You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
