Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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