that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
