She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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