wat bout pragnant strippers??
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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