whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I puked a lego.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
