i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
