It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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