She's JV to your varsity
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
