I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
