I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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