And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
