If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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