Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
