You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
