Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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