Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
