M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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