And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
