I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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