Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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