actually, I'm a sock model
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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