we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
