Your dad touched me again.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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