we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
