I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
