New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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