he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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