Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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