i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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