So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
