There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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