You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
