My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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