i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
