community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
