Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
