OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
