I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
