Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
