I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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