I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
