Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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