omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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