She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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