At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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