remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
