oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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