So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
