i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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