Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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