we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
