New low: just hacked my moms facebook
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
