remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
