dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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