My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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