I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize