Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
