I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I AM VODKA MAN
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
