I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
