I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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